Driver's Seat.

I could be way off case here, considering I am unfortunately someone who is often regarded as “controlling”, but I think it's healthy to have outlets in which you can be in the driver's seat. People who know me well may be reading this and rolling their eyes, but hear me out. There’s certainly a difference between trying to control every aspect of your life, such as the people, day-to-day outcomes, etc., and having an escape where you can do things your way, without anyone else critiquing what you do.

This came up in conversation with my wife recently, and has in the past as well, regarding specific work projects. As a designer, her job is always to make clients happy, but unfortunately, sometimes what makes clients happy doesn't translate to adding viewers or increasing conversions: there’s a science to all that. So, she has to relinquish control to appease a failing effort. This of course happens in other work environments as well. I certainly notice it in my job. Being on the lower end of the totem pole usually means being the idea generator, data synthesizer, or conceptual designer, but at the end of the day, no matter how much you support the suggestion you make, someone above always makes the final decision. It can be frustrating at times, but we all know it comes with the territory.

I do think, however, that humans innately want to have some sort of control in different aspects of our lives, it's just very important to channel it appropriately. I know first hand how not to channel it - being frustrated from lack of control at work and taking that home, unintentionally trying to make up for that lost control by demanding my wife around. This never ends well, is horribly inappropriate, and is certainly not satisfying. Instead, I’ve found that investing in personal interest and explorations have been the best channel for placing myself in the driver's seat. This website is a great example of something I put together to have an avenue to share what I want, when I want, the way I want, without anyone else’s dictation. I always welcome constructive feedback or opinions of those closest to me, but generally, I am in the driver’s seat. Managing this site and all of the content it contains is, quite honestly, an effort to keep me sane (and not drive my wife crazy lol).

Whenever, my wife, or others, express to me the complaints they have with these issues at work, or even in personal life scenarios, I always recommend they dive further into their hobbies, or try and find things outside of work that they can invest in for themselves. For my wife, my recommendation is to draw, journal, read; for myself, I write, work on shoes, read, or research. I have found that this form of control is way more fulfilling than any other. Having avenues to express myself in my personal life has been more valuable to me than being able to call certain shots in the workplace, or obviously, boss people around in my personal life. It’s become more of a mental health life practice than anything!

After all, life is not all about work. I often use the term “work” to mean a broad spectrum of things, but for now, let's refer to work as our full time (or most time) jobs. In this case, our society says to spend our time working extra hours to make an impression, climb the ladder, submit to those above you and put your head down and grind. While I certainly believe these things have value and are useful life lessons that help us grow, I do not think they should be our end all be all. I don’t even think they should be our top priority in life. If they are, then we put all our faith in those things and when they go wrong, or don’t work out the way we wanted, we crumble. I know, I’ve experienced this, it’s crippling. I am not saying to value work less, heck, I value work a ton, because in my job I am the master of my craft, a professional. It is one of the things I know I am really good at and have immediate validation for, via a paycheck. What I am talking about is balance, giving certain things in life more weight in your heart than others, and prioritizing mind space accordingly.

I’ve personally learned to navigate these waters by reorganizing my life priorities, and giving greater value to the things that truly make life what it is. Over the years this meant putting myself in the driver’s seat whenever I could. However, what I have also learned most recently is that certain priorities need to be concrete, and everything underneath those things can fluctuate however they may in terms of weight. My faith, then my wife, these are my concrete priorities. They don't fluctuate from their position. Everything else, such as work, hobbies, even family and friends, get their place in line as life throws new things at us. I’ve found that managing things this way has helped me maintain my concrete priorities, without letting them slip below anything else, and given me more peace of mind with the direction of everything else that follows.

I know I talk about this stuff a lot, but it’s important. I’ve seen people in my life get this wrong and relationships get affected, heart problems uncured, etc. Many don’t even stop to reflect on these sorts of thoughts until it is too late. Don’t let it get that far! Spend time thinking about these things, it will pay off, I’m sure of it.

Hope you enjoyed the week end read,

Dionisio III