Marriage: Part 1.

Marriage is something I expect to continually address as I continue this blog since I take pride in mine and think sharing our ongoing story will be a great way for me to reflect, but also shed some light on key aspects that may inspire others. So, we’ll kick this one off as Marriage: Part 1.

It is my opinion that marriage is not talked about as much as it should be (or in the context it should be) in most circles. For something that involves vows between two people, before a ceremony full of witnesses who are expected to support those individuals in their marriage journey, we tend not to see a whole lot of supporting going on. In most of my experience, the only time you tend to hear people talk about their marriage is when they are complaining about their spouse. Marriage is one of the most important events two people can experience in this life, and sets two people up for a life-long journey together, yet spending time developing this relationship and being open about sharing the intimacies of our marriages with others, is not something we tend to do. We seek counsel for career advice, investment advice, home buying advice, and much more, but how many of us are willing to sit down with other couples and get into the details of our marriages? To me, it is strange that this is so foreign, and since my wife and I tend to actively pursue each other and work diligently to love one another unconditionally no matter the challenges we face, I thought it would be helpful to write it about from time to time. Marriage is hard enough as it is, so when we choose to shelter our marriages and not be open with others about refining them, problems inevitably become worse. So, I guess the best place to start this Marriage series is to provide a quick synopsis of our journey thus far…

My wife Sienna and I have been married for about 3.5 year now, but have been “together” for 11.5 years. Prior to officially “dating” we were really close friends for a prior 2 years, and beyond that had known each other and gone to grade school together for the previous 6 years. So, when you add all of those years up, I have effectively known my wife for almost 20 years - wow, this is the first time I’ve actually done that math and I am shocked. I will certainly admit, given the history, our situation is a bit unique; I mean, I was only 13 when we first began calling each other “boyfriend” and “girlfriend”. Growing up best friends, we experienced all of our firsts together, and were fortunate enough to grow from one another, and learn who the other person needed us to be for love and support. It was almost like we were never really two separate individuals who met and came together in marriage. We basically grew as one.

The long term relationship we had prior to marriage allowed for a relatively smooth transition into the real deal. But we still, of course, learned new things about one another as a result of living together for the first time, coordinating the prioritization of various life expectations, etc.

We weren’t the only ones getting married young, however. Some of our best friends also got married within the year we got married, so we had couples to grow alongside us through the early stages of marriage as well. Only, after a year or so, my wife and I realized we never really talked about our marriage that intently with anyone. Not that we had any significant issues to wrestle with per se, but I guess we just didn't expect to have so few discussions about our marriage with friends and family. We weren’t doing anything to allow ourselves to grow further with one another, and in that short time we found ourselves becoming complacent with our marriage; meaning we were getting caught up in the ritual of life without intentionally leaning on one another for daily support or challenging each to be better. Again, I can’t really point to any specific problems we were facing other than that we just weren’t fighting for each other like we felt we should. And since we didn’t want to fall even deeper into complacency, we decided to join a marriage group through our church. We began diving into books and engaging in video series’ that were intended to challenge our perspectives and ultimately strengthen our marriage, all while discussing the implications of the things we were learning about with our small group that met once a week. It was a win-win-win. Not only were we learning and actively trying to be better, but we were also engaging with other couples (all older than us) who would share their experiences and perspectives as well.

Overall, we consider ourselves blessed to have the story we have. However, we still know that no matter how easy the beginning of the story, the middle and end could come with challenges that will test us in ways we could never expect. We found it important to identify ways in which we can take active steps to simply begin conversations about our marriage and seek council for things that are challenging, as well as continue to have an open mind toward others who have gone through more mature stages of life than we have. This experience thus far has been amazing, and we have developed awesome friendships along the way.

Even though it has only been a few years, I feel like we’ve faced a ton, both highs and lows. Continuing to invest in our marriage will only continue to strengthen us to brave any obstacle life throws our way. The first step for us was simply to address that even among ourselves we didn’t do enough check-ins with each other, which led to us wondering how we can be more intentional. My challenge for all the married couples out there: check-in with your spouse, see how you are doing, be open and honest without taking offense, use gentle words, and never forget your in this for the long haul, so let’s invest to enjoy every minute we can!

Plenty to come on this topic in the future!

Hope you enjoyed the week end read,

Dionisio III